Day 14 – And the 4 Oscar’s go to… – 16/6/12

Just what the doctor ordered and a good solid sleep later, we were up at midday ready for a day of ‘filming’. As agreed from the previous day the cameramen were ready and waiting, however, we were waiting for our taxi friend as he was going to take us to get our car looked at.

Stuck in a catch 22 situation, the cameramen wanted clips of us driving, and we wanted to wait for the taxi man, the four of us did some abysmal acting around the car by getting our documents, maps and driving licences out onto the bonnet and pretending to look at routes. Ewhen and Stepan then went on a short drive of Mariupol with the cameraman in the back, before returning back to the apartment.

With all the filming for the time being done, we waited for the taxi man who turned up after a while. Whilst waiting, we chatted to the cameramen who said that the television company was making a documentary about EURO 2012 fans and that the four of us, along with a group of Russia fans was what the documentary was going to be based about.

As a convoy, taxi man first, camera crew second and us coming up the rear we followed the taxi to his friends garage. It was at this point the cameramen were delighted and had some proper footage to film. From the front passenger seat they were driving up alongside, slowing down and speeding up with us, it had all the action shots you would see on top gear. Then came the moment we all burst out laughing and could not believe. They signalled for us to pull over, which we obliged to albeit on a main road blocking a side street, where a car beeped his horn to tell us to get out of the way.


We weren’t quite sure what was going on, and before we knew it the cameraman opened the boot sat down and was hanging out from the back. The car that had just beeped us apologised and we were back on the move. With people seeing this they were soon all beeping their cars, we were waving and beeping back in what was a surreal moment for us.


We can only imagine what the taxi driver was thinking, and it was here when we made our predictions for the day:















Arriving into a tiny borat-like village in the middle of nowhere, the car was taken to the man’s garage where he had a workshop. He confirmed that the rear suspension had gone and would take about three weeks for him to fix, which was not an option for us. They did say that the car was driveable just at slow speeds and with a light load in the car. 20 to 30 Kmph was their advised speed.


Taking the car out of the garage and back onto the road, the cameramen wanted to film one final shot about our broken car. They wanted us to purposely stall the car, then push and get the car started and drive off.

After a discussion of whether the stall would count towards the “I’m a twat and I stalled” league table, Stepan (who had actually previously stalled on the trip, location and date not remembered) took to the wheel. Stalling twice as the first shot the cameramen didn’t get, Andriy, Ewhen and Petro were pushing Viktoria up the road.

Filming finished, we followed the taxi back to the apartment, before then hitching a ride to the beach front where we met up with the rest of the group for dinner. Food orders placed, we were all sat outside watching the Greece v Russia match and there was only ever one team we were going to cheer for. Go Greece!! A small table of Russians next to us mumbled and groaned as we cheered the Greek victory and were still waiting for our food. Due to the amount of people in our group, you just knew that there was going to be a cock up in the order somewhere. With everybody ordering shashlik, Zenko was the unfortunate one who went without and shared from others his shashlik. It later transpired that the shashlik order was correct and that Ewhen actually ate his and Zenko’s portions, but we were still missing other things from what we had ordered.

Bellies only half full (except for Ewhen) and not satisfied, music started playing through the speakers. This called up for Mariupol Dance Off 2012. Up stepped the two Luczka’s of Andriy and Stepan to the contest. Both contestants through some impressive shapes notably the hanger from Andriy and the spaghetti dance from Stepan, if we are being honest we were both losers for doing it!

There was more music coming from inside the building on the first floor but seemed there was no access to it for us. Three taxis ordered and two that showed up and people went home. This left the four of us waiting for our taxi. A while later we decided to sack the taxi that we were still waiting for off and go to the club.

Walking on in, a mafia looking man said he needed to speak to the administrator before letting us in. A couple of minutes and an ‘entrance fee’ later we were walking up the stairs to the club. What we initially thought was a strip club with girls dancing on poles, turned out to be just a night club. (A very good one at that if you’re going to have girls on poles!)

Sat in the VIP area we bought a bottle of vodka when a girl came to Petro and said she loved his hair, kissed him and said this was a Russian tradition. As if slug heads hair got him a pull?!?! The question was, was the Russian tradition the kiss or was it his hair style that was in fact Russian?


The beer and vodka was now flowing and the real shapes now started to come out. We requested a traditional Ukrainian folk song to be played by the DJ, who then made a quick announcement that there were English-Ukrainians in the house and then us breaking into Ukrainian dancing, we rocked the club and took it over. This we imagined pissed the locals off, especially the boyfriends of men whose girls were watching us.

Dancing over, it was back to the bar where people were now buying us drinks. With our work now done and now totally under the influence, we decided to call it a night and get a taxi back, which caused a big argument. 3.15 am on the clock we were arguing what time the taxi would arrive and for a 4 UAH bet we argued that the taxi would be there before 3.21 am. The journey itself proved to be amusing with quotes from Ewhen of “Petro is adopted” which then turned into a chant as well as more chants for the entire ride.

Getting out of the taxi we decided to have another bet. Petro and Stepan thought it would be quicker to run up the stairs to the apartment, whilst Andriy and Ewhen waited for the lift. Even whilst drunk, Petro and Stepan still managed to beat Andriy and Ewhen.

Still not fully satisfied of going to sleep when we got back, we decided to play with fire and burn a few flags from our buntings that was now proudly draped across our living room, much to Chrystyna’s annoyance that we had woken her and probably Andy and Orysia Chymera up too.


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