Travelling west all night, we finally arrived at Lviv train station at the stroke of sun rise. Getting off the train and into a cold but sunny Lviv, we decided to buy our return train tickets whilst we were at the station. At the stroke of 7am came a message across the tannoy system that the Lviv-Kyiv train was about to depart and wished all passengers a safe journey, then came the song of a Ukrainian kozak song. Aimed at the departing travellers, we felt a ‘what a welcome’ to Lviv and knew we were home.
Return tickets purchased, we haggled what was probably no more than thirty pence off a taxi ride and as usual picked the nutter! Racing round the cobbled streets of Lviv, we were in the main square in no time at all and were now wide awake as we went to check in into our hostel. We did grab a few hours of sensible sleep and woke up feeling fresh and ready to hit Lviv. Whilst getting ready we had the unfortunate pleasure of speaking to the owner of the hostel who was an Englishman, and we endured his story about how a black man from Luton owed him £6k. Thanks for that!
Wondering around and going on a sightseeing walk we headed straight towards the Lvivske brewery. When we eventually got there, the museum side of it was unfortunately closed so decided to come again the following day. On a more positive note the bar was open and so the drinking commenced. A swift half later, we were back on the move and headed out in no particular direction and before we knew it we were at the Bandera statue. Here we took a moment to sit down and relax for five minutes as well as asking some locals to take a few pictures. (Note, never ask a Ukrainian to take a photo of anything. Stood in front of a monument we wanted us with the monument in the picture, instead we had us and no monument! However, it appeared as the lady was possibly drunk as even the picture of just us four was a struggle for her too.) Carrying on with our tour we then headed up to Svyata Yura where we took a moment to ponder, pray and have a look around the church.
Back in the main square on Ploshcha Rynok, it was about five in the afternoon and enjoying a beer in one of the outside bars, discussing plans for dinner and what to do in the evening. Out of the blue then came a comment from Stepan of “Guys, don’t know how to tell you this but I’m meeting up with a girl at seven!” Going over it in his head all day of what excuse to come up with or how to tell the lads ended up in just telling them the truth which was a mistake.
Doctors of Love (Andriy, Ewhen and Petro) then proceeded with none stop piss taking (of “we are coming with you” and “we are going to follow you”) as well as relationship and date advice, something I’m sure Stepan didn’t need or want. Going for a quick dinner in a restaurant, the 3 Dr of Love’s advised Stepan on buying flowers and balloons. Replying No to all of them, Stepan was left with little choice when Petro ran out of the restaurant came back five minutes later and tied a heart shaped helium balloon to Stepan’s wrist. It was at this point that Stepan left to go and meet this girl, and was reminded that he was ditching the boys and being a shit lad.
And so Stepan now gone to meet his friend, he turned around to find Ewhen walk past. Acting as if we didn’t know each other (even though Ewhen winked at Stepan as he walked past) luckily for Stepan this was the last of the following and was left in peace. Going for a drink with the girl, meanwhile Petro had gone to the fan zone as king soppo’s (Andriy and Ewhen) were apparently “talking to their girlfriends” – code for bumming each other is a more likely scenario here.
A few hours later the four of us all met in Kryjivka. Anastasia (Canadian girl from the train ride) also met us down there, this time bringing one fit gypsy looking girl and one not some much friend. She then said that there were a load of Canadian Ukrainians in the next room, and so we all joined them at their table. Sat with approximately fifteen to twenty Canadians, we soon began to chant football songs and this made us an instant hit with them. Beers, vodkas were soon in full flow and then the Ukrainian singing started. This then made them love us even more, especially one of the girls who had the biggest jugs ever! (Not really all that important in the context of our trip, but it was the sheer size of her jugs that got her a mention!)
Singing all night long, we were joined by other like minded Ukrainians and two Poles who joined the party. Unfortunately none of the Ukrainians that joined were female but males, and most notably a big, fat smelly Ukrainian, who decided to take his top off (so we all did) and whose only positive was he thought he was Pan UPA, but even that got boring with him in the end.
Unfortunately, this was all that was really written down in our notepad as the rest of the bullet points just said “Not really sure what happened next.” This was followed by photos to suggest walking topless down the street?
When we met up with Anastasia the following day she filled in some of the blanks which were: “Andriy and Petro were pussies and went to bed” “Stepan?” and “Ewhen was last to bed.” To be fair, this is also what the photos tell us. Andriy and Petro are nowhere to been seen in any photo, Stepan and Ewhen in photos, Stepan topless and Ewhen last to bed.